Delusions of grandeur

The first time we were going back to India after moving to the States, in the summer of ’97, my father declared that I was allowed one pair of jeans, one pair of sneakers and a shirt to travel in. My attire after landing in India was to be salwar kameezes, lenghas and long skirts. As a fifteen year old and a part of the 1.5 immigrant generation growing up in NYC, I cracked a few smart ass comments at my father’s dictate, but didn’t fight it too much. See, this wasn’t worth beating my already sore hands on the drums of teenagedom caught in the middle of the immigrant experience. I could mouth off to mom and dad, insist on my independence, rail against the stereotypes they attempted to impose on me and generally be an Indian version of the bratty American teen (where, really, my parents got off quite easy) all in the safety of my life in Queens. Being on Indian soil, however, wasn’t reality; it was vacation, where what happened in India, stayed in India. For a month or so while we visited family, I could play pretend and be the Sati Savitri type if that’s what my family wanted.

While in India, I never made an attempt to explain my life in NYC to my family members. Maybe it was sheer selfishness on my part of wanting to avoid the lectures on how I’m still Indian even though I live in America that came with opening up with my conservative family about my life in NYC. Staying general usually worked best: yes, school was good; yes, I still remember how to speak Kannada; yes, I do have Indian friends. I smiled a lot, I ate a lot, I wore what they wanted me to wear and I wrote in my journal a lot. I was polite, respectful and most of all, just plain quiet. We never discussed anything deep and certainly nothing related to sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll.

My writing, however, has never been quiet. I will break my personality into pieces for the various different compartments of my life, but my writing is one place where I live, whole and complete with total honesty. It never concerned me in the past that when I get published (yes, I said it - when, dammit, when), as a creative non-fiction writer, I would be laying my life out for public consumption. With my immediate family, I began to hang the family’s dirty laundry out to dry starting at 16, so it would be nothing new to them. Everything else, I justified. My parents are so closeted about their lives that it’s not like their friends and acquaintances would recognize me as the child of someone they know. My extended family in India – well, I’ll just make sure the book never gets translated into Kannada and besides, how are one brown woman’s words ever going to travel across the ocean anyway? It’s tough enough getting published and being known locally.

What I hadn’t counted on was technology shortening the distance between my lived reality and the person I pretended to be to keep the peace with my extended family. Before, there were phone calls between NYC and India where surface words lay like sweet, sickly icing on top of a cake. Now, there are emails and Facebook updates between my life and my cousins’ in India. With the internet came Google and Facebook and off they ran, snatching my delusions that my writing and my life could be kept separate from my extended family in India.

While working with Noor to edit a short piece of mine for volume 7 of Papercuts, towards the end of the process, I realized I hadn’t changed one of the characters’ name. That realization broad-sided me as I realized I was telling quite an intimate tale that involved people other than myself. With Papercuts accessible online and subject to Google’s tentacles, there’s a possibility that my cousins in India would now have access to that part of me that I hid from them. (Sidenote: I’ve seen the re-designed website for Papercuts and it rocks. It’s shaped up to be quite a strong representation of the talent at Desi Writers Lounge. You all should be uber-excited!)

There was a brief moment where I considered breathing into a paper bag, but then the writer in me, the one who has always had the backbone, snarked, “Well, then you either better hope they never find it; hope that if they find it, they’ll understand; or if they read it and don’t understand, then you better get ready to deal with the fall out - because this story is getting told.” After another dirty look thrown at the hyperventilating pansy, the writer strode off to start penning the continuation of her story.

On The Dock

posted by Jalal

- in which the author discovers a new condition to his life, attempts to develop a whole new communicable disease, tries to change, is targeted by Halliburton, out does the Pakistani Cricket Team, takes a hike and socks it to big Pharma.

It starts innocuously enough.
There’s a pounding in my head, my vision is swirling, I have a shooting pain in the left side of my chest and three fingers in my left arm go instantly numb. So I chalk it up to:
a. Stress
b. Bad posture (damn those office chairs)
c. Last night’s, not-gas-attack-inducing-at-all, masala daal fry
d. The horrible project briefing my team is giving me
Until it gets scary and my colleagues are staring with giant ‘O’s at my face.
“Eeeerrr…boss?”
His voice is a whisper in the thundering now emanating from my ears.
“What?”
“You look pale,” my colleagues have a gift for understatement I discover.
And from that moment, from my desk to the emergency room, it took only twenty minutes to be introduced to the rest of my life as a blood pressure patient.

My dad was using the car when I called for it so he came along for the ride. Distinguished elderly gentleman that he is, the doctors and orderlies all assumed that it was he I was accompanying and not the other way around. So they all looked at me funny as I lay down on the bed when the doctor ordered, ‘Will the patient please lie down!’
‘What’s the issue?’ says he.
‘I feel funny,’ Says me.
‘Oh holy crap! Why are you not dead?’ says he, ‘You call this a BP?’

British Petroleum has instructed me inform you that they disavow all knowledge of the unnatural disaster that is this post and besides…it was all Halliburton’s fault anyway.

Halliburton at this stage have also instructed me to inform you that nothing is ever their fault. Nothing. Whatsoever. SAY IT BITCH! OR THE US ARMY WILL BOMB AND OCCUPY YOUR DILLHOLE!

You know you have a serious problem when your heart has a higher score than the entire Pakistani Cricket tea…DAMN YOU CRICKETING SCANDAL! NOW I CANT EVEN BE SURE OF MY JOKES ANY MORE! And here I had this awesome joke about how my BP hit 190 over 140…higher than our cricket team’s batting average.
HOW DO I KNOW! HOW DO I KNOW THEY WEREN’T MATCH FIXING THAT DAY TOO! Dirty Buggers.

The doctor in the emergency room put me on BP meds and gave me tranqs and told me to just lie there and go to sleep. Three hours later…I’m still not asleep. The doctor looks at the monitor and says that if the numbers don’t go down soon, I’m getting hospitalized. They go down. I go home. Word travels that Jalal was in an emergency room for three hours. Everyone, family and friends, gathers at my house that night, all concern for my brush with high blood pressure and soothe down me frazzled nerves and racing pulse with such comforting homilies like,

‘YOU GET A STROKE IF YOUR LOWER FIGURE GOES OVER 110!’
‘IT’S A SILENT KILLER, YOU KNOW THAT!’
‘BLOOD PRESSURE KILLS MORE PEOPLE THAN CANCER, AIDS AND RERUNS OF DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES! COMBINED!’
‘DUDE CAN I HAVE YOUR XBOX WHEN YOU DIE?’

What followed were constant trips to the doc’s to figure out the optimal chemical concoction that is to keep my BP within normal ranges and out of the stratosphere. And doctor’s room conversations with my beloved like the one below:

‘No salt.’
‘Really…just a little…from time to time’
‘NO!’
‘FUCK!’
‘Mind your language. And don’t get upset. You have high BP! You’ll pop a blood vessel! What will I do then?’
‘Well I wouldn’t be on edge if you let me eat a little salt.’
At this stage the doctor feels she needs to interject to prevent my then fiancé now wife from killing me with kindness and worry, ‘Actually, he can eat normal food salt. Just don’t sprinkle on more on the top like you have been doing…’
‘HAH! See?’
‘Shut up Mr. 190 over 140.’
‘Are you sure you two aren’t already married…?’

And injunctions from all and sundry that the best thing for BP is constant exercise and the Miracle of all Miracle exercises, God alone knows how we ever lived without it, was…
Prepare yourselves
It may sound like crazy talk
The miracle, universal panacea, the Holy Grail cure for-every-frakkin’-thing is….

…Walking!

Doesn’t it strike you as strange as how the healing powers of tramping up and down are touted as nothing short of miraculous? Or that over 30 odd years of education to become a highly qualified physician and ‘talking a walk’ is the best that you can do for a patient? What next will you be prescribing?
‘Doctor! I’m Dying!’
‘Quick! Take two Nikes and one Reebok then call me in the morning!’

Well after spending 10 minutes circumnavigating the Aunty ridden walkways of Hilal Park, I called up my beloved, then fiancé now wife, and said,
‘Hi Baby! Guess what. I’m off to go shoot myself! Love you. Bye!’
And then life has since settled into a comfortable rhythm. I take my meds, watch what I eat and walk regularly…
Okay. Semi Regularly.
Okay. I walk sometimes.
FINE! I THINK about walking sometimes!
Oh have it your way Mr.Factanista! I lounge on my ass all day and play computer games in the evening and call it exercise. Happy?

And the BP has not been that bad to live with. It could have been much worse. Sure I have my episodes when I push myself or am irregular with my rest. Some days I wake up feeling low and like I’ve been running. The numbers are 150 over 110 and the office gets a phone call from me, ‘Hi team. I’m not coming in today because I’m sick. Don’t do anything that could make me get sicker. Just do what I’ve told you to do. Don’t use your heads too much and remember that I will yell at you if I see you haven’t used your heads at all. Enjoy figuring that out. Bye!’
I am now doing my best to turn high BP into the world’s first disease communicable over cell phone.
No Twitter, I am not talking about you.
At one point, when my episodes kept coming with more frequency, it was time to go get a professional consult. The cardiologist pooh poohed it and told me to get an ECG. That resulted in a rather humorous episode involving a cell phone, two tubes of Anne French, Magic Carpet Rides and perhaps the most bizarre trip to the loo I’ve ever taken.
The ECG is clear so the doctor advises that I quit smoking,
Oh yeah! Absolutely. Tomorrow.
That I keep up with regular walks
Uh huh. Yup. As soon as there comes out an XBOX Walk. Till then…will lots of guitar hero do?
And that I maintain a Zen like calm and inner peace to manage my stress.
Now those of you who know me also know that in my head I am much akin to the hyperactive squirrel from Ice Age, on speed, and crack, with ADD, trying to decide between the world’s biggest pile of nuts or Mad Donkey Stud Monkey sex.
But methinks I have discovered the ultimate groove to mellow out in. Once in that groove not even work can harsh my calm, bro.
It has to do with the Missus. I can come home raging like a lion, pace the floor like a tiger and tirade against the world like Hitler addressing Berlin. Then all she needs to do is go,
‘Aw Poor Baby! Did yoo haz a bad day?’
I pout.
‘Aaaawww,’ she melts. ‘Did the big bad world eated your cookie?’
‘It did! It did eated my cookie.’
‘C’mere!’ she holds out her arms…
…
Hah! Suck on THAT big Pharma!

Reading, much?

So the first ever reading held by Desi Writers Lounge finally went through, and it was a meeting of the minds in interesting ways. It also gave us moderators an excellent idea of how long it takes in general terms.

Held at Rif's Cafe in F-6, Islamabad on March 29, 2008 (Saturday), it began with our members coming in at various times, generally close to the 5.30 pm time set. Once we had everyone, we began with a member reading out her recently written and unedited poem, and this I'll have to confess was exciting especially since this was the first we were hearing/reading about it. The entire point of the readings is to present new, unread work to an audience and it was interesting hearing the poet's thoughts about the poem, a little background information on it, the varying perspectives brought in by the listeners.

Before beginning the reading, however, each piece had been printed and set on a table to encourage the participants to come in and pick up a copy; something like a program for the evening. They were also encouraged to pick up a pencil, to write their thoughts in the margins of the distributed pages. However, we wavered a little from our original conception of just having the writer read out his/her work by encouraging the participants to read the work ahead of time, so they'd have their thoughts assimilated and could draw a little from what they had already understood from the piece, before a discussion. A good step, I think.

However, the critique on this one poem took up about 20-30 minutes having gone into the poem in detail, down to deciding what lines should be changed, where it can be broken up, where to add a little emphasis, etc...and where to make it a little more apparent to the reader. We ended up not having time to read out all four pieces, which means we'll probably ask for less pieces to be read out in the next readings.

Another consideration that was brought up, was the possibility of adding a book club into the scenario, but this might prove a little unfeasible if some participants haven't attended the previous readings, etc. Of course, the idea might be to assemble something of a general crowd, so even if we have a few new participants, we can circumvent it by possibly having the book club meet on alternate readings or something of that kind.

Something else that we'll need to do is impose a time limit on how much time will be spent on each piece's critique, so we can fit in a maximum of about 3-4 pieces thereby helping more writers as opposed to helping only 1-2.

Meanwhile, we pretty much settled on having a reading once a month, and what this means is now that we're branching out of the members-only cloud we enveloped ourselves in for this reading, we'll be diversifying. So, if you're interested in attending the reading as a reader (writer who reads out his/her work) and more importantly: live in Islamabad, remember that you can email us at readings@desiwriterslounge.net with your name, cell phone no (please note: all information transmitted is confidential. We will not distribute your name or other contact information to anyone else, and you won't be spammed or bombed by intrusive messages and/or emails) and the piece you're interested in reading out, as an attachment. This is done so we can print out hard copies to make it easier for our listeners to read before the reading itself, making notes on the side which can be helpful when providing feedback to the writer concerned.

Exact dates and venues will be finalized, and when done will be put up here, as well as on the website's main page and forums. So one way or another, member or interested bystander, you will be informed. We will also try for having a few fliers and/or posters done up for the event to be distributed in cafes and other "intellectual" hangouts.

That's it for today, folks.

- TPTB

The Green Light

The three core members of the 'Lounge based in Islamabad, met yesterday to talk about the reading and approximately three hours later, we had a full-fledged plan chalked out for the reading series and the first in that series, in particular.

We also covered the e-zine selection policies that were placed into effect with this issue and will be further refined for Vol 4. In the future, we will be allocating 2-3 months for the publication of each issue (beginning on the day the polls end), which will in all likelihood result in about 2 issues being published each year. The decision for the process now reads thus: once the polls close and the pieces have been selected by the core membership, a deadline date will be set by which all editors must have their pieces edited and finalized respectively, by each editor, feeling that they are all up to the par. After that, all pieces will then come to me, where the next 2-3 weeks after the deadline date will be devoted to going through them all . If I feel some pieces need to be further worked on, I will contact the respective editor asking for these changes. The editor will then see about those changes. This will thereby eliminate the need to eradicate any pieces that have been edited. I do however, stand by all decisions I've made for Vol 3.

That said, I also feel some writers have suffered because of the lack of a 100% effort put in by their editors, and for that I sincerely apologize. With these new rules in place, this will be eradicated in future issues and I thank those who graciously received their rejection letters. It was a ridiculously hard thing for me to do, having been the recipient of one myself. But...it only makes you stronger. And I have no doubt that our members will deliver for the next issue.

There is also another event planned in the future, which will be announced after the reading which itself, is planned for the end of March. We will be calling out to our members based in Islamabad to please email in their poems for the reading, or...if they have nothing new, to choose from their old material they would like to present. The emails will be going out presently.

For the event hinted at above, we will be chalking out an extensive marketing campaign.

Again, we urge our members in Islamabad to let their friends know about the reading...the only way we can get the message out there is through word of mouth, which is about the biggest weapon we have. After this, we'll be opening up our readership to everyone else out there. Call the first reading a test run. And, to answer another question, we will be bringing in celebrated writers and poets as our readings progress. The reason why we aren't introducing any in the first reading, is because of organization. We need to be thoroughly organized and professional, and once we've done it a few times and have a thorough feel for the whole thing, we will better be able to handle it when the celebrities waltz in.

So, everything has been discussed and once a date's been decided, I'll post it here emailing our membership to let their friends and/or family and other relatives out there interested in readings (not restricted only to poetry), to rope 'em in. At the end of each reading, we'll have a sign up form to let people sign up for the next reading, giving us their names and email addresses (or other contact information).

As you can see, we've covered all our bases. If you've got any questions relating to the reading, ask away.

Reading, Reading...Wherefore Art Thou Reading?

Now that the e-zine has (finally) been published, things are moving towards holding the reading. You may have thought that with all the recent activities that it wasn't going to happen....WRONG! When I said we were planning a reading, we were definitely planning a reading. Because everything has been stretched, pulled and pummeled into place, things have been taking a little longer than originally planned.

Since we haven't made anything official however, I am forbidden to tell you. Once we've chalked down a full plan, I'll put it here for your viewing pleasure. Until then, just wanted to give you all a heads up that the reading will take place, and it will be one among a series of readings...which may or may not stretch into Lahore & Karachi judging by the success of the ones we host in Islamabad.

The only sure way to be successful is to spread the word...to your friends and friends of friends. For now, only people we know and who know others will be allowed. Like an invite only thing...again, judging by the reception of the first one, we'll broaden attendance for the next. We will also be holding an open floor allowing budding poets from the audience to come up and read out their stuff.

And that's about all the details I can give you. More as and when they come to me. Meanwhile, check out the 'zine...it's live, published and hopefully better than before. What do you think? Weigh in below.

The Best Laid Plans

I know I promised a server switch over the weekend in the forums, but I've been a little lazy. Also, I've been mulling over other potential would-be hosts and have decided to go with the original I had in mind. In any case, we will be moving away from our current one, soon. Just need to sit down one of these days, and make a copy of everything which is the one thing I'm really not looking forward to at all. At all, at all.

Also putting our website and forums out of business for a while is another thing I'm not looking forward to, especially when they're particularly alive and kicking right about now. So, things to consider. Meanwhile, of course, the e-zine just keeps being delayed and delayed doesn't it? Despite the best laid plans and the best of intentions, things don't always work out like they're supposed to.

However, that said, our host does seem to have recovered itself somewhat from its downturn episodes, and I might be able to whip up something soon. Incidentally, everything has been done, they're just a few things to be tweaked and then we'll be all ready.

Oooh...just realized March approaches, and the issue has to be up before March. There is one piece that might be slashed further. As the count currently stands, we've got 10 pieces that have made the cut, out of which only 1 has survived in its category. Won't give away too much, mustn't spoil the surprise after all. Removing another would bring the count to 9, which is by far, the least number of pieces that have ever been featured in our e-zine but, and this goes without saying, this is by far the best issue we've released. Primarily because there have been some checks in terms of quality control.

Unfortunately, because this issue also represented a deviation from the norm, I'm afraid it hasn't made me any friends! :) It's tough being editor-"in-chief" of this place. I have to say I like being just the writer a whole lot better. That said, I don't think anyone else could possibly realize the vision for this place better. Oh well!

One last decision to make and then it's home free...fingers crossed that our efforts will be appreciated--writers, editors, readers and critics--couldn't have done it without 'em!

Of Strikes & Other News

Now that the writers strike is finally over, we can all collectively breathe a sigh of relief. More importantly, as reported by UH.com (linked on the left), it occurred on the writers own terms. A literary triumph over the power suits; there is something to be said of the power of the written word.

In other news, I've re-usurped my editorial duties and as such, am fully on target to meet my February Vol 3 publication date. Still finalizing a few pieces however, I'm on the line about one and as such, may have two further rejection letters to send out. I've been holding off on the publication for this reason. Should have a final decision about the matter by later tonight. What follows is hopefully a productive weekend for the website.

Elaborate marketing is being held off for a little while, until the thing I mentioned a few posts back, the thing we are all intensely excited about, has been elaborately planned and once we've got that little reading out of the way. What would you think of carrying bookmarks home at the end of the reading, as a souvenir of sorts? For one thing, you can actually use them as bookmarks...genius! For another, you'll remember the evening...or well, hopefully! :)

So this weekend will, in all likelihood, see the publication of Volume 3 and hopefully this issue will set the precedent for all the issues to follow. Lots of luck wishing and backslapping is in order. Till my next post then!

The Icky Stuff

In case some of you don't know about the recent fiber optic cable cut beneath Egypt and Italy, allow me to introduce you to the facts: no internet. Or at the very least, spotty internet. What does this mean? It means the publication date's been shoved forward. Just because I can't do it, however, doesn't mean the work won't still be done...I'll be pulling the strings while the GM (global moderator) will be doing all the hard labor. Tough job, but someone has to do it.

Naturally, because an ocean separates us coordinating times and bypassing risky schedules has put a damper on things. That being said, however, we are working around this.

The reading is still planned, any ideas any of you might have you can drop into the comments of the blog or email me personally at maryam@desiwriterslounge.net. We do appreciate the feedback you know, and contrary to legend, we don't bite.

Promise.

Making the Cut

It seems I might have to upgrade one of our website's more important, if not the most important, component since a newer version seems to have hit the market. Really, I just upgraded the damn thing a few months ago. Technology! What else can I say?

In other news, however, pieces for the e-zine have been finalized although I might not necessarily deliver on my Feb 1 publication date. I will try, undoubtedly, but my work schedule seems to have thrown itself into a bit of a loop...an absurdly hectic one, unfortunately. And I'll confess: I haven't been to the site in days, as in properly gone through the plethora of new pieces that seem to have hit the forums.

I do have something to say, however, and I should take the opportunity of saying it here rather than people finding out later and being all "wha? But-but I thought..."

Remember how I've been mentioning for several entries now, that not all pieces that have been edited will make it into the finalized list? Out of the 20 or so pieces we narrowed down, only 15 of them have made the cut. Three were cut because the writers failed to make the deadline, and three were additionally cut from the edited work I received about a week ago. Do not doubt that I went through each piece with the utmost precision and caution, but the three that I did strike from the list didn't, I feel, represent this issue as appropriately as was necessary. I ask the writers who will be contacted accordingly, to accept this decision and honor it. It isn't personal, I assure you. It's just the business of being an editor, I suppose, and it was especially difficult in the case of one piece I felt had tremendous potential if given enough time. Unfortunately, it had to be cut.

This is the first time I've really exercised my power as being editor of the magazine, primarily because I never felt I had the right, but now it seems, "the board" feels I'm something of "The Editor"...I, more than anyone, know what we're looking for. And it seems this issue has given me somewhat of total control. Again, not something that's particularly pleasing but it does allow me to control the outcome and to focus on that elusive term: quality.

Because a written piece is so very subjective, I ask the writers again to not think they've been rejected for publication, just that it didn't agree with my particular brand of digestion. As it is, you will receive your letters. I think it's only fair, especially after having been contacted by the editors. This is something I feel I should explain: making it to the editing stage doesn't mean you necessarily have made it into the e-zine, it means you've got a chance because often an editor decides to take a particular piece (and writer) under his/her wing arguing that so-and-so can be totally transformed. Whether the end result is indeed all that was asked for, is entirely open to interpretation. My interpretation, unfortunately.

As it is, what's done is done and there's no going back on things now. For those who weren't contacted for the editing stage, and are eager to find out just who did make it in, you'll have to see when Vol 3 hits the presses.

And remember to leave your thoughts here, on what you thought.

Till then, au revoir my little children!

It begins

So, if you've been to the website or forums recently you may have noticed something in the way of a facelift. Yes, it's finally happened. The new design has been fully incorporated. You may also have noted the new design of the blog in one of the fading images, but for some reason it can't be seen here...there's a reason for that. Let's just say, it looked better as a screen shot. But I'm trying to see if I can capture the same gist of color here with this format, so let's see how this works out.

Our e-zine publication date may see a slight flutter from its original conception, with the deadline being pushed back from Jan 18 to Jan 25. The reasons for this are the resolving of some personal issues of one of our editors. Publication will be one week after the administrator (yours truly) has received all pieces, to take that time to go through each in full and see if I can't spot a few last minute fixes. So we might be seeing it going live around Feb 1, which if seen in a certain light, might actually work for us being the start of a month instead of the end or middle of it. All's well that ends well, right?

Moving on, the next stage of our plan kicks forward after all pieces have been edited or at least after some of the editors have been relived of their editing duties. We do indeed plan on going ahead with the posters, fliers and bookmarks that will advertise our website. The reading as such, won't be advertised since, at least for the first one, we're limiting it to members and those invited by members. There still do remain certain issues to iron out, however, but it's very much a part of our agenda.

We do have something else up our sleeves as well, something we're not going to put up yet but will in all likelihood announce during or after the reading...so all the more reason to attend if you're in Islamabad sometime in March or April.

In addition to the small announcement put up on the main site, we'd like to remind anyone who's interested to help out with the marketing aspect of the site, to let us know. We will be distributing posters, fliers and bookmarks to be distributed in bookstores and possibly some "intellectual" cafes, though whether such places exclusively exist...may be debatable. But that's us! The incurable optimists! For anyone who's interested, you can email in at comments@desiwriterslounge.net.

Now my friends, is when it really begins...

Lanterns All Over The Place

I'll admit: I was a little worried that the new design and the fact that it may or may not materialize. However, after extensive work on it on both Saturday & Sunday, both new designs are coming along quite well. The forums are done, but of course, have not been uploaded yet. So you'll just have to wait for both to occur together before you see the new logo and design.

Editors are hard at work with their assignees and the publication date of Jan. 18th seems a likely and largely welcome one.

The quicker and better looking our website becomes, the larger chance we have of retaining our audience as well as keeping our existing members happy. Layout still remains a concern, and there will be a lot of testing in the two weeks ahead. Two weeks. What a ridiculously short period of time! However, I am also confident enough in my own abilities...another weekend is all I'll need. But you won't see anything tangible until the e-zine hits our virtual shelves. Sorry! All updates must occur together...a little thing I like to call homogeneity.

Then of course, there's bringing the audience to our website...which is where the marketing (posters, fliers, bookmarks) comes in. Still have to locate a suitable designer for the work, and the budget is naturally not fixed although given the logo considerations, I think it'll need to be substantially high to cover both design and printing costs.

Once these things are out of the way, I can turn my attentions to planning the reading. We have yet to set a workable date, but I suppose it all depends on coordination and a ton of hardcore planning.

And that's a wrap for tonight. You'll forgive me for not writing more, primarily because a) there isn't much else happening :) and b) my shoulders are killing me!

G'night!

The Jury's In: Hold On to Your Seats!

After a near three hour discussion over finalizing all e-zine related pieces, earlier tonight, out of an overwhelming 60+ pieces polled, the list has been narrowed down to all of 20. It is, conceded, a little more than I would have liked, but these are all, or mostly all, solid pieces.

Lists will be put up tomorrow evening, with the appropriate writers being contacted and directed according to protocol. Because of my own unavailability for editorial duties, work will be redivided with the four sub-editors. I will, as always, comb through each piece before sending it in to the e-zine.

Protocol must be noted, and followed: we, the editors will be working with selected writers according to a predetermined deadline. No piece will be allowed final entry until and unless the assigned editor has approved. If, supposing, the writer of a specific piece doesn't respond to his/her editor, the piece will be struck from the list. So if you've been selected, and are among those contacted tomorrow evening, you are expected to follow through with protocol. The rules will not be broken, or bent for anyone. After all, if we do it for one person, we have to do it for everyone.

There are a wealth of things planned for the upcoming quarters, including a new issue as well as the reading. If there are things you feel should be added to the site, or any suggestions you have for the reading, please do drop a line either in the comments, or to me personally. I have a knack for writing back, irrespective of anything.

And now, my minions, I bid thee farewell. It's been a long night, and I should be in bed, snug as a bug in a rug, by midnight.

Adios, and keep your eyes peeled on the forums if you're a member, and on the e-zine scheduled for release in late Jan, if you're just a reader. We welcome you in either capacity!

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Fracked Up World

I feel like we've been treading and retreading the same waters over and over again, over the past few months. Design? Re-design. Person located, finally. Didn't work out. Should we or shouldn't we? We should. Just when we go in again, madness ensues. Things just weren't meant to be, I guess. This also means I'll have to work on the templates on my own, but I am a little more confident in myself with my newfound and rediscovered knowledge. I'll be fine, but might not have the time to usurp my editing duties. We'll see, however.

Reference to the Writer's Strike made by Clarice, things are looking slightly up for the writers with the DGA (Directors' Guild) refusing to renegotiate their own contract until the AMPTP settles things with the writers. The AMPTP, if you believe in the rumors floating around, wanted the DGA to start their own negotiations thereby putting the pressure on the WGA. Nice to see the concept of unity in the creative community, still exists.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world out there. They got that part right.

So, though a new design and logo is on the way, there's probably still some time until we get there. I've got some very talented graphic designing companies on the line for the logo work, so there's that lovely thing to consider. What look are we going for? Classic funky. You do the math. Something that screams: the Lounge. Should we go with the 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' idea, or should we break it down into something else? Do you have any ideas? The Administration speaketh. Go forth into those creative tunnels, don't turn out the bulb of genius and venture out never, until you've got something up your sleeve.

Sparks!

10 Things I Hate About This

No, I'm not going to start listing them down, I just really wanted to use that phrase. Ridiculously short story I have no plans on expounding, which makes mentioning it entirely unnecessary. Lovely!

Now that I've located what looks like a promising designer, the only drawback is that they're located here...as in Pakistan here...as in, in my city Pakistan. Yes. After a rather saddening experience with an Indian developer (God bless the Indians, though; they're not all bad, one bad seed notwithstanding! Tons of bad seeds in Pakistan, too!), I would much rather not deal with subcontinental developers. However, their ratings, client references and portfolio seems to speak for itself. And they have now graciously agreed to providing me with a mock up...which is basically a prototype of where they'll take the design of the site, along with showcasing what they can do. Since I was deprived of this previously, and not wanting to take any risks this time around, taking the advice of my very knowledgeable sister, I am a little more optimistic. Of course, the development that I've planned and outlined in this blog is still scheduled. But first and foremost, is a face-lift.

Addressing quality related issues is another thing entirely, and which will hopefully be addressed and put to reasonable rest by our small "board" some time this weekend or next week. I don't know whether it's the editorial policy or the fact that a small set of members are the only set that post and re-post and thus, are the only ones available for e-zine polling. There are some marketing related issues and plans up my sleeve, which might unfold subject to agreement by the others. There are a lot of things to be decided, and specifically towards our new look, logo and design etc.

There is still the dream of making it to print, which might, ironically, be more quality oriented. The problem with being web-based is that though you're able to reach a wider base, it becomes a tad problematic when you're using it for quality assurance. Not everyone's at the same level, which shows through in the forums, where the pieces are..."workshopped" according to one of our members. Although most of the hardcore stuff happens behind the scenes in the 'editorial' stages, which brings me to another question: are we not doing a good job of it? Should we be pushing our writers harder...or what, exactly? I realize that everyone ages at their own pace, and to that extent we should give them both time and space for growth, but this worries me. Because some how, in some way it's setting us back.

A few posts back I mentioned how a complete stranger stated that my work represented on another website was far better than the content put on display in our 'zine, which though flattering to me, was a disappointment. Everything seems the same. Are we not pushing creativity hard enough? Not focusing on pushing the envelope? After all, isn't that part of what a workshop does for you? It pushes you to be your best. One piece or maybe two from members is good, and then they slip again. I need to know why.

I suppose the easiest thing to say is that writing isn't the same for everyone, which is what I am constantly being told time and time again. It's frustrating to hear the same thing from different people: not everyone's like you, not everyone takes writing so seriously. It isn't about taking it so seriously...it's about actually using criticism to improve. It's the want to get better, to progress, to push the envelope. That isn't asking for much, is it?

Chivalry's Dead

Although including the perspectives of a completely new member was a bold idea, I thought it might work. You have to understand where I was coming from, however--I thought there would be more talk about goings on in the literary world--I hardly expected a religious debate.

I think it's key to understand the purpose this blog serves; as an introduction to the site itself. Sure, I'd love for our writers to eventually put up their thoughts and opinions on the goings on of the Pakistani cultural world, but that's where it ends. Opinions and debates are what The Abstract Thinker on the forums, exists for. It's exactly the sort of things the Podium will cater to, once it's actually functional.

I'm having second thoughts about my developer. There are reasons, I think, why the cheap ones come cheap. They are profoundly unreliable. I was to receive updates today...and did I? Nope. In fact, it's quite safe to say I received no communication of any kind.

In other news, our Orkut community has entirely changed. The description, the way the name's been structured (DeSi Writers for whatever reason), the location (what was once Pakistan is now Mumbai, India. Pardon the yowls of disbelief!), the image (ours was always a cup of tea. Now it's your typical pen and paper), the community owner (goodbye, Sana--it was great while it lasted). It's a little sad to see your past go up like that, but then, as I stated so aptly on the community: that was our past, the site is our present and future. And obviously the new breed of desi writers on Orkut are now entirely disassociated from what we were three years ago. They'll make their own history. Ours is still there, for those interested although most of our work has made the transition into our archives. I think it's safe to say, since Sana is no longer the community's owner, it's no longer ours. It used to be, yes but it isn't anymore.

Let's observe a moment of silence for the death of a great community, and one if it were absent, we wouldn't be here.

For those of you who live in Islamabad, know that Sharabeel's latest is here: Be Careful Where Your Clothes are, and according to Obi, is a farce. So...I'll probably see it, with both my sisters in tow. I have to say, I'm very partial towards plays casting people I actually know. I think I've just become a tad lazy though.

Polls continue to run in the forums until December 10 and if you're thinking of submitting a new piece, know that the deadline for this quarter is December 1. So you have about a week for submissions, and about two for polling.

A request to our members and would-be'ers, please do vote. We're all about democracy here, don't you know?

Finding the center of gravity

Interesting conversation at the dinner table, today. Apparently, according to my mother, two sisters shouldn't sleep with each other (no, not like that - head out of. Gutter. Now.) on the same bed, because of the parentheses. I said the brother-sister union is one of the usual cases of incest, and then of course, the most common one came up - father-daughter. That started a further discussion how in some shows (most notably, Law and Order: SVU) they've shown twisted cases of each, including mother-daughter relationships. Yes, we often talk about incest on the dinner table.

But sarcasm notwithstanding, it brought up an interesting side issue: my mother and sister feel such insane, psychotic events shouldn't be depicted on TV for common, public viewing because it fills your mind up with things you wouldn't think of, otherwise. I disagree. I think it's an excellent way to create awareness - to let you know about the shit in this world - and the fact that you need to be wary of the realities of these situations, and the possibilities that they can and do happen in thousands of cases across the world. After all, if we hide them, how will we help get rid of the social depravities?

This kind of thinking has permeated through to our culture at large - hide it, subjugate the hidden truths - and yet, we turn our noses up in disgust about incidents similar to these when they happen in our vicinity. It's hypocritical.

I have a cause, and I firmly believe in this and it's among the reasons I write. Sure, in the beginning it was all about the story, but my recent pieces have been fueled by something else entirely.

Numb has restarted, thankfully although the style I'm writing it in is completely foreign. If I was worried about falling into the same snarkalicious one of yesterday, looks like I won't have anything to worry about. Or well, hopefully.

So just to clear the air: I'm not one who just talks and talks about writing on different subjects, and doesn't tackle them in an effort to better understand. I do, and I plan to continue doing it.

And if there are people out there, most notably members of my family, who think things like these shouldn't be addressed, I'm here to say: Tough. I owe something to society, or it owes something to me. In either case, I feel it incumbent on me to write the humanity of things, even if it isn't as pretty as we'd like to think it is. Or...well, I'll admit: Especially then. Some members of my conservative family don't like my tendencies on the Shi'a-Sunni-sectarian issue. If people ask what I am, I prefer to say I'm just a Muslim without classifying. Some people actually think this is a dangerous way of thinking and needs to be corrected, asap - I kid you not.

Yes, the fire of activism burns in my soul once again, alive and well. Nice to know.

As for DesiWritersLounge.net, it is my sincerest wish that it launches itself to become among the best independent desi magazines this country has to offer, gives the upcoming writers a place to flex their muscles and encourages thinking. Challenging, always - a place for independent judgments. Because if we're just going to create another breed of intellectual slackers, we've failed and my vision for the site and forums is lost.

Back at the dinner table, conversation's end found me locating the center of gravity of a fork on my finger. An appropriate end to the story, don't you think?

Numb

That's the title of a story I'm hankering after. Note the word usage - "hankering" because I haven't got anywhere yet - throws my last post into a tizzy, doesn't it? I've got a nine hour work day, which comprises mostly of sitting before my laptop, doing market research and trends, and then writing about it. So at the end of the day, you'd much prefer not spending any more time with the widescreens of this world. Hypocritical, I know.

The problem isn't with the idea - I've got it all nailed down - I've got the two leads and their lives all planned out...okay, mostly, not completely but still. And now of course, my time table's changing after tomorrow - Friday, I'll be reporting for work at 6.30 am. Yes, you read right. But we're off at 2.30 pm so something needs to be said. No sleep after sehr, then eh? Worse things have happened. I'll live.

But back to this elusive idea - the story appeals to me - it picks up on the emotional underbelly, which for anyone who has ever read my past stories, knows I love. It isn't just the darkness that's drawing (while simultaneously repelling) me closer each day, it's the wealth of emotions I'll be dealing with. And of course, the families and their protagonists are from backgrounds I understand and to a degree, can empathize with.

And after pushing away my trademark conversation dialog: dry, witty, sarcastic - I'm finding myself being drawn back. Though, let's face it: I'm good at it. I like looking at life through unfocused lenses - it's like looking at the world through the bottom of a glass - I like the skewed, distorted images transmitted back. That may be the reason the darkness of things so attracts me, because here's a fact: it's so much more fascinating to write about. How much can you write about happiness and birds chirping? The evil, dark side of our emotions are so much easier. No? Am I the only one seeing the complexities, here?

I suppose, to put it simplistically: the psychological and anthropological aspects of it are what really attract me.

I think we each have the capacity to commit something truly heinous, but the right blend of time, circumstance and the fortification of our relationships is what stops us. I also believe that the root of all evil, lies in society and the lack of understanding it affords to the lesser fortunate, and if we are to truly realize that in every walk of life, we should at least try to understand. The only way I can understand, or at least live through their lives (from my own perspective, of course - the writer's perspective inevitably seeps in - or if it doesn't, that's just another thing I need to learn), is to write about it. Sure, it might not be something I know, but we often need to step out of our comfort zones to straighten the crookedness in our worlds, to get a broader experience and perspective.

Choose to be broadminded.

I've said time and again, that the perspective and changes my work affords me, are unparalleled and have forced me to alter my opinions and mind on things I observed with rigidity, to the surprise of family and friends. And yes, I can be torn sometimes between following what's right and what's expected, but that's only human.

But I believe in justice, in finding the truth no matter how unfavorable or ungainly it might be and my journey often takes me to places (both personal and social) I wouldn't be able to traverse otherwise. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing, in the hopes that I will continue to find answers.

Maybe someday I'll write those socio-religio-politico stories everyone thinks I'm in the midst of, but until then.

Now, all I need to do is move past this first line...